First Things First

It felt right for my first blog on this (not first) website to be about how our journeys are not finite but do have many little finalities along the way.  Life is full of many little deaths that feel a lot like loss or final endings, but which are also new beginnings. 

First things first.

The most profound question I remember being asked was “do you know who and what you are?” 

I paused as I thought about my answer and began to speak a jumble of rote answers that didn’t quite feel right as they came out.

“You are a part of the infinite mind of God, “ said the woman.

I took a big breath in, paused, and released it, as everything in my body soothed and softened, my mind sparked a fuck yeah and everything in me lit up, as this sound of infinite truth reverberated throughout my being. 

Finally, the truth.

I felt I arrived home after a parched journey through a dry and desolate desert.

We are infinite beings having a human experience. 

AND

In this human experience there are finalities.  

Our journey may never truly end as infinite beings, but as we focus physically here on planet earth, the only constant is change, and change means there are many little finalities or little deaths we experience along the way.

AND

Astrologically, right now we are in a time of threading through the eye of a needle.  I hear it from just about everyone I talk with these days. Purging and releasing are a real thing as we shed the skins that are necessary so we can make the passage to the new life and world that awaits on the other side.  

Many little deaths are necessary to make it through.

AND

While these little deaths can sometimes feel heavy and sad and we do need to go through a process of grief and cathartic releasing, I propose that these little finalities may also present an opportunity for feeling a form of pleasure throughout our bodies and being if we are willing and able to bring the energy out of our heads and down into our bodies.  

Orgasm after all is modernly thought of in France to mean  “petite mort” or “little death”.  I learned this from a fab show on Netflix called Emily in Paris. 

I don’t know about you, but I’ve come to love orgasms.  

Amidst living such a busy life, it just feels so good to feel erotic pleasure pulse through my body and then die a little death where there’s transcendence from all I focus on and hold and a sense of unity within my own mind, body & spirit where it’s essentially all Divine. And, I’ve learned that this can happen with a partner or on my own.  

Self-pleasure is not only our birthright and totally ok, but it’s an essential form of self-love. 

But, I didn’t always believe this. 

I couldn’t fully embrace this truth, because I was conditioned to believe and feel otherwise.

I grew up in a puritan paradigm, growing up believing my body was for sex with my husband (one day after saying I do) and that my own sensations and pleasurable feelings in my body were somehow wrong and not okay to have or express outside of it being given and used for a man’s pleasure inside of marriage.  

My body obviously knew different, hence my wild, natural and curious sexual urges.  

But, when we are conditioned by fearful and false premises to think a certain way and we choose it because it makes sense for our survival, those energy choices often become default, creating neural pathways and patterns that split our energy off from its natural state. 

When we are split, we feel it.  

We crave wholeness and paradoxically this split is part of the journey too.  

Little deaths, finalities move us into and out of contrast, which helps us to grow and expand. Like breath, we go in and out and pause in between. This is the ebb and flow of life itself.

Little deaths are as important to life as orgasms are to our sexual nature.

However, we resist. We resist letting go. We resist releasing. We lack faith in our own surrender because we lack faith in what’s on the other side, so we hold on.  But, what we resist persists.

There are those who resist being full and resist receiving who might find stoking arousal and riding edges of pleasure only to come down without release to be expansive and helpful. This is its own form of little death, a letting go of attachment to outcome, a letting go of release in order to truly feel full.

And, there are those who resist the little death, who are too full of what they are used to holding and being, that they aren’t willing or able to ride the waves of various sensations long enough to experience a full climax, and then to release into the transcendent void where self-consciousness falls away and for a moment is gone. 

In order to experience the full orgasm, we have to be comfortable with being both full and empty.  

We must be in surrender to our primal nature and connected to our own inner safety that we can drop down into our bodies, ride the waves, take good care to go at the pace that works for us, breathe, allow the pulse and pain and pleasure to collide and welcome the expanse that is on the other side.

What comes together is wholeness and it’s our own. 

Wholeness and holiness are our true nature. 

This is what is waiting for us on the other side of the eye of the needle. 

What do you need to first embrace about yourself, where you’ve been, what you desire and what resistance you have that gets in the way? What has finished?  What wants to be released and what does it need from you in order to shed and fall away?

My friend has a ball python.  Months ago, she shared with me that she was worried it was not doing well and going to die because for weeks it was not eating and not moving around like normal.  The next day she called and told me it started shedding.  It shed its old skin and then it resumed eating and moving around once again.  

It’s ok to pause. In fact, it’s natural, normal and necessary. In order to purge successfully, we must know what and when to pause.  

Find your own sacred pause and allow the little death of this time to be a finality of what doesn’t serve you as you prepare to emerge fully alive and ready to thrive on the other side. 

Here’s to living your true nature and purpose.

Here’s to releasing anything less than that as you purge and move your way through the eye of the needle.

Here’s to more pleasure and more orgasms (little deaths) experienced through divine union.

Here’s to your infinite journey and to the now moment where we are remembering that we are creative beings and all that fucking entails.  

Here’s to making through the eye of this needle and the next and the next.

Here’s to shedding skins and embracing our holiness in a fresh and whole new way.